It’s your choice how you see things. If you focus on the negative, you only see the negative.
However, I also don’t like the idea of absolute positive thinking. I think it makes people lazy.
“I just failed my exam/interview/application but it is fine. I am still awesome and people love me.”
“I just didn’t go through the national final in a sporting competition but it is fine as I can still play on Saturdays.”
In reality:
“You failed your application because you were too lazy to spend extra time preparing. You thought you were amazing with your positive thinking that people should give you what you want because your mum/aunt/friend/dog said you were awesome.”
“You didn’t win the competition because you didn’t train hard enough. There is no cure in positive thinking. Just admit you f*cked up and you will stay average because you don’t want to train harder.”
It is about being realistic. It starts with:
Taking ownership of what you are doing
Set the goal (i.e. “this year I win the competition; I don’t accept failure as an outcome, it doesn’t exist”)
Push until you reach your goal
Push harder if you feel reaching your goal is a lot more complicated than you thought at the start
Back to focus on the negative – it is even worse than being a “positive lazy guy”. We set our brains right for failure from the start. We also set ourselves to dream small. Big dreams create desires and wishes that in a realistic yet semi-positive mind formulate goals that drive the process and achievement.
We are all full of fears. I personally have a box full of fears (not a physical box but an imaginary one). Please, God, forbid me from opening that box!
However, when you work your mindset out, you can actually see that your fears are not tangible. They do not exist. They are most likely just phobias developed when you were young, when you witnessed a tragedy, or when you failed in the past. However, in 95% of cases, they do not have tangible relationships with your present.
If we look at the scale, it is about to stay close to the middle or slightly to the positive side. It sounds easy, however, there are too many people that live in extremes of one or another.
Negative
Positive
Some people cannot just shift themselves (I could but it took me long months of self-actualisation and some parts of this journey are well described in this Mindset Chapter over the years).
With our current dynamic world full of changes and surprises, we already spend a lot of energy trying to adjust to new realities nearly every day!
Luckily for me, I used well-hated covid and lockdowns to slow down and work on self-actualisation. I had plenty of time. My life circumstances back then showed me that my self-growth and development had to become my number one priority as a bright future awaited.
Now when we are sort of back to normal, it might be harder to find time for this lengthy mindset exercise. Therefore, I see the solution in Mentorship.
No offense to all these coaches that popped up like mushrooms on all social media platforms, but they are not mentors. They are people who strongly believe that they can teach others how to live, however, the majority of them just give their clients only their live vision which often looks like a one-way Sydney CBD street – confusing and will never lead you to where you actually need to be.
Mentorship comes from a person on the opposite side of you. You feel some connection through similar values, mindset thoughts, and triggers but you have different experiences, circumstances, generations, expectations, and tastes. Sharing experiences is not mentorship, it is more like friendship. Extracting mindset wisdom from those experiences and digesting them through conversations, is more like mentorship.
I was lucky to find people who mentored me through life. I still have them in my life. They are people I met at events, on occasions, and in difficult situations. They are not “Googlable” gurus of wisdom. These people are also around you.
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