There is a situation and it upsets you for some reason. There is something unresolved between you and another person and it feels uncomfortable.
There are some words you have to say but you are unsure how to structure them.
There are more excuses that make you hesitant and you prefer to wait or hold your frustration against someone.
In reality the longer you wait the more these little cockroach-thoughts hurt you and hurt that other person.
If you have something that bothers you, say, in your partner, sibling, co-worker, business partner, friend, resolve it in the same room you started to feel this problem. Literally!
Decide now what to do and how to progress with the solution. In most cases, people just misunderstand each other – we are all different and we all have different opinions and views. Maybe your opponent just really doesn’t get what you’re talking about.
Communication is the key. I always knew that but it took me a while to actually realise it. I made many interpersonal mistakes in my life before I started to follow this idea – Don’t leave the room where the problem is until you find and agree on a solution. And you need to ensure (take this responsibility!) that the other person understands exactly what you mean.
Due to simple human nature, we love to pass the responsibility for anything to someone else. It is easier to say “dw, you don’t understand” instead of making an effort and courage to speak up while overcoming the fear of being misunderstood.
Life occurs as a conversation. The golden rule that I first heard more than 3 years ago and still believe it helped me to resolve a lot of issues to date.
Some people can speak up and always express their opinion, however, they might be naturally less emotional than others.
For example, when a person is a rational thinker, they have no problem speaking up to resolve a problem related to their business or work. They are very constructive and do not interfere with emotions. However, they might have no clue how to speak up with their partner as they have a strong emotional connection with them.
And vice versa. For instance, I am a more impulsive and emotional person. I have no problem talking to my partner, friends and family about what is bothering me. On the other hand, if I need to keep being purely factual at non-personal meetings, I might easily get lost because my emotions won’t let me sound constructive.
That’s why practice to learn your opponent. Identify who they are – rational or emotional and what the context of the conversation is. Observing the way your opponent talks, stands or even sits can hint you how to resolve a problem without leaving the room. If you leave the room without a solution, this burning feeling of sadness, guilt or discomfort (or all of the above) will chase you and impact you a lot longer.
Ange
@angela_alina
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