I mean in a healthy way of living. When a person changes for someone, I.e. trying to meet expectations of friends and/or family, “fit in” to a group, wanting to be loved by a partner, they lose their identity and uniqueness.
Change is a constant way of self-growth and development. We need to change. We should strive to set new goals and we can achieve them through changes in our lives. These changes may lead to changes in ourselves. Change makes you a better version of yourself if it is aligned with your values and your own direction to change.
For instance, moving to a new city will automatically lead you for a change. An external change you get (new friends, new culture, new lifestyle and life schedule, etc.) will eventually change you. From minor changes such as food preferences, weather dependance, shift in style and image to bigger changes such as mindset shifts, change of global lifetime goals, new lifestyle choices.
They can be good and bad. It doesn’t really matter (in the context of this blog) as long as they serve your purpose.
This is what I see as a healthy change. YOU started to eat different food because YOU wanted to feel or look different. YOU moved to a new city or country because YOU realised your potential is bigger in a new place of living. YOU changed your occupation because YOU felt you have a passion to do something different to what you used to do.
People become happier when they agree with their inner change. When they know that the change they do is their own choice and decision.
It is not healthy to change yourself because you want to be liked. But this is a different topic to what I am trying to explain. I feel sorry for those that think that if they change hair colour, lose weight, make their teeth whiter, etc. they will be liked more.
I personally don’t believe in altruists. Altruists “victimise” themselves to serve someone else. In reality, this is what they do to “hook” another person in. They say “I do it for you” so they make you feel obliged.
Another type is “I like whatever you do”. These people don’t want to take any responsibility and would rather make someone responsible.
The other unhealthy change examples are, unfortunately, people who might be somewhat broken in a way. They might be heartbroken - they change themselves just for the sake of being loved by someone they love or used to love. They might model that “used and using” behaviour at the family home. They saw their mother/father did it to their partner and it looked “fine” growing up. They might be bullied at a young age and the only way to be accepted is seeing as becoming someone else. Normally, it is done by mirroring another person’s behaviour.
The behaviour of changing (or I’d say sacrificing) yourself is a lot deeper than it looks. I am not a psychologist to advise on it but based on my Mental Health First Aid knowledge, I can say that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is something that can help with this problem.
(Part II is to be published shortly)
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