I believe there is a range/scale of a personality in each of us. Different people bring different charges in you: positive or negative.
Depends what you choose within your social circle, the charge will be closer to your positive side or your negative one.
Therefore, one said: “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are.” Or “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you what your future is.” Both seem to be correct. We learn about other people through their behaviours and reactions. Behaviours give us an indication of one’s personality; reactions give us an idea of the psycho-emotional side of personality. These two elements create certain justifications in our mind such as “I like this person” or “I don’t like this person.”
One of the recent books I read is Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson. The book gives you a great overview of four different types of personalities, their strengths, and weaknesses as well as things like how to deal with different types and collaborate in personal and professional environments.
Whatever personalities we choose to be surrounded by, it doesn’t customise us with other people’s values. Values are the ones that define the charge in most cases.
For example, my close friends and family know me as one of the least judgemental people they’ve ever met in their whole life. Yes, I have a healthy dose of sarcasm that might upset some sensitive souls around me, however, it is not falling to any negative judgement of another person. I even use sarcasm on myself – I find it funny. At some stage of my life (when I was less selective with my network), I surrounded myself with fairly judgemental people.
They would judge others’ beliefs, lifestyles, choices, and preferences in the places they live (locations), the food they order, the clothes they wear, the places they work, etc. Basically, if your choices were different from theirs, you were certainly judged.
If you are not a judgmental person by nature, you might start picking your surrounding’s way of living (especially when the surrounding is a part of your romantic relationship or close friendship). Therefore, I could notice that sometimes I could allow myself the comments that I wouldn’t make otherwise. When my network shifted toward people that are closer to my beliefs, I noticed my negative charge shifted back and the positive side started to dominate again.
Do you remember Tom & Jerry’s cartoon and how Tom had an Angel and a Demon on his shoulders? That would be a creative way to express positive and negative charges. We all have beautiful things in us and we all have the ugliest things we wish no one knew about us.
In order to be happier in life, you need to surround yourself with people that unintentionally shift your scale towards your positive charge. Happiness is an internal thing (unless you have some victim syndrome or some sort of neurotic problem, you cannot feel the happiness within yourself) and you have it to share with the outer world. We are not socially isolated so as much as we have a solid internal base of happiness, we still get influenced by the outer world. Think how you are affected emotionally when 1) you are in a loving relationship vs you are in a toxic one; 2) you are working under emotional pressure vs you have a supporting team to deal with; 3) you have an excellent customer service experience vs you have to deal with rude personal at a shop. When the events accumulate, they push a certain – positive or negative – energy to shift the scale of your charge.
There are two outcomes as the result.
POSITIVE
Having a loving environment, supporting friendships and social circles, eliminating yourself from stressful moments, and avoiding toxic circumstances – all of it brings that Angel on the shoulder. This is when the beautiful YOU come out and create beautiful moments. There is no personality change: it has always been YOU, however, you were not aware that your positive charge can reach the edges of your beautiful personality.
NEGATIVE
On the opposite, having victim syndrome, putting yourself in an environment that doesn’t support your values, and throwing yourself into damaging friendships, relationships, and circumstances – bring that little Demon on your shoulder. Your negative charge is high and that ugly person with a toolbox of Red Flags comes out to make your and everyone else’s lives difficult and damaged. Again, there is no all-of-sudden change of personality (in reality, we cannot change our personality, maybe in very rare circumstances), it lives within you.
Do you believe in Personality change? Just curious to see other opinions :)
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